Courtesy photo - partners:For the third Valentine’s Day in a row, Manteca residents Judy Deane and Ann Mollica will apply for a marriage license in Stockton on Wednesday, Feb. 14. The two have been together 19 years and are registered as domestic partners, but they say it’s just not the same.

On Valentine’s Day, while others trade heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and prepare for romantic dinners, Manteca resident Judy Deane will get in line at the county clerk’s office to request a marriage license.

As a lesbian, she knows she’ll be denied. But for Deane and fellow supporters of the Marriage Equality USA event, the move is strictly symbolic.

As a volunteer leader of the group’s San Joaquin County branch, this will be Deane’s third Valentine’s Day Marriage Counter Event, from 3 to 4 p.m. Wednesday, Feb. 14. The group asks everyone, gay and straight, to publicly support marriage rights for gays and lesbians — along with the rights that go with it, from the ability to adopt children to bereavement leave from work when a partner dies.

The state recognizes same-sex domestic partnership, but when it comes to legal rights, Deane says, it’s a far cry from marriage.

“We’re trying to make the public aware of how unfair it is,” she said. “My partner and I have been together for 19 years, and I still can’t be put on her insurance policy.”

Two years ago, Deane and her partner, Ann Mollica, filed as partners with the state, mainly so Deane could be covered by the health insurance provided by Mollica’s employer. As an in-home hospice caregiver, she said, she couldn’t afford her own insurance. Instead, she got help from a state assistance program called Medically Indigent Adults.

The California Insurance Equity Act, the women were told, says employers must grant same-sex domestic partners the same privileges they grant other couples.

But there was a problem. As a multi-state corporation, Mollica’s employer — Virginia-based Dollar Tree Stores — was not obligated to provide domestic partner benefits. Deane was refused coverage.

Frustrated, she went back to the state to get back on the MIA program. But because she was now in a state-recognized domestic partnership, she was told, she would have to “divorce” Mollica to get help, leaving her without any insurance at all.

This has left Deane in a precarious, insurance-less position, she says — but she remains positive.

“Fortunately, I’ve been healthy,” she said.

While the couple feels excluded by the government, they say their friends and family — including Deane’s two children and three grandchildren — have always been supportive. Furthermore, Deane said living in Manteca has been “wonderful,” and that the couple has never been faced with criticism.

Still, when it comes to speaking up about issues facing gays and lesbians, they say both gay and straight people are hesitant. They know many gay people who keep their relationships a secret out of fear.

“We’ve never gotten any negative vibes,” Deane said. “But to get people to come out and publicly support us would be like asking them to pull their front teeth out.”

Their movement, however, seems to be growing. Marriage Equality USA — formerly Marriage Equality California — has branches throughout the state and has expanded into New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio and Washington state. The San Joaquin chapter is 200 members strong.

Deane and Mollica know they won’t be getting married next week, but they have high hopes for a change in the state’s attitudes — and they’re working toward it one event at a time.

“The ideal would be for the state to say, ‘You know what You’re right. We’ve been wrong all these years. You are human beings, you are citizens just like everyone else, and you should have the same civil rights as the rest of them.’” she said. “That’s my ideal wish.”

To reach reporter Sarah Ostman, call 239-6351 or e-mail This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it